captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
