Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
