You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
