i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
