Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
