She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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