You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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