I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I need moral support for this bender
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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