I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
