I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
