I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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