Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
