R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
