I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
