Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Randomize
