i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize