I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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