I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
