Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize