we have pet lesbian snakes
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
