She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
