Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
