Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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