The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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