I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
