It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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