Swine flu. Run for my life!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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