I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
home. puking in laundry basket.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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