I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
