He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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