He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Never joke about your clitoris.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize