I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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