Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I forget how to act sober
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
