Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
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