Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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