trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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