Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
