Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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