People in love make me want to vomit
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize