ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
