I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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