apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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