i permit you to call me
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
