We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
