we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
just found out that she named her cat after me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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