Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
