She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
