Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
