I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
