If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
