Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
