Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
