im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize