his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
