Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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