I just threw up on my dentist
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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