You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
