wake up i wanna do it froggy style
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
