i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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