Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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