yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
