It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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