You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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