Too much gin, very little bucket
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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