i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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