im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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