We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
