Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
